Where Fear Meets Pride
by BlackDragon741
Summary: Ellana Lavellan's life takes a wild turn after the Breach. From living in her secluded clan to being surrounded by people of all races calling her the herald of their prophet Andraste. In the midst of all the change, Solas becomes her grounding point, and even perhaps her chance at mastering her fears.
1. Early in Haven

Chapter 1

Early in Haven

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><p>Lavellan stared at Solas with an almost curious expression upon her face, eyes focused on the beige tunic he wore. In the back of her mind, he was obviously speaking, his steady and smooth voice speaking in volumes with articulate words. Her eyes moved up and watched the motions of his jaw working and lips moving, vaguely nodding along. It wasn't until he stopped speaking that she looked up at his grey eyes and smiled nervously, "I… I'm sorry?"<p>

He raised a single eyebrow and did not look impressed, he repeated his words slowly, "I was curious about what kind of hero you would become in the midst of all this conflict, however such inattentiveness does not bode well for our future, Herald."

"Oh." Lavellan looked down at the snow on the ground, slowly building in size as more fell upon it. It was a particularly cold day in Haven, as the sun was setting and the temperature dropped. Every time the wind blew, a new wave of shivers would come, and inhaling the air would bring dryness into her nose. Ferelden was much colder than the Free Marches, especially in the Frostback Mountains, and adapting to it was proving slightly difficult. She bit her lip and looked back up at Solas. His attention was directed away towards the makeshift set up of merchant goods by the gates; he leaned against the stone fence and somehow was managing not to be nearly as cold despite his attire.

At first, Lavellan was glad to meet another mage, especially someone who already displayed much talent in action. She remembered witnessing his flawless execution of spells against the rift demons and wanting to learn more about where he acquired such talents. So far however, all she's managed to do is get on his nerves it seems. Zoning out and ogling certainly didn't help either. She cleared her throat and spoke up, "So… I recall you mentioning ah…. 'run in's with the Dalish before. I was curious about your opinions concerning elven culture."

Solas looked over with a passive expression, "You want my opinions? I'm surprised you're not interested in sharing your own. You are Dalish, are you not?"

Somehow, that felt like a loaded question, and Lavellan was regretting this conversation, "Well… yes. I'm getting the impression you don't like the Dalish, Solas. May I ask why?"

"The Dalish are hardly more than children who know only twisted and mutilated versions of stories long since been told. They know little of the truth about ancient history and pretend to know it all." Solas seemed to be standing taller now, almost as if he were expecting an angry response.

Lavellan frowned, she's heard of people calling the Dalish savages, or condescending, but never about them being wrong concerning elven history. Growing up, the keeper always talked about preserving knowledge and passing it on. "How would you know the truth, if the Dalish do not?"

Solas didn't hesitate with his response, "I have walked the Fade countless times, watching history unfold itself around me. I have witnessed the rise and fall of kingdoms of old, I have seen what the Dalish have not."

Vaguely, she remembered Solas mentioning that he explores old ruins and battlefields through the Fade, observing events unfold in such a manner. Lavellan looked down and shifted on her feet, "I see… have you ever considered teaching them? Since you claim they're wrong?"

He huffed and crossed his arms; this subject was steadily becoming worse, "What would be the point? So that they may call me 'flat-ear' and denounce everything I say because I am not one of them? Such time would be wasted."

Flat-ear was an all too familiar phrase, "That… is true. Ir abelas, hahren. I really shouldn't have brought this up. I was only curious."

Thankfully, he took this in stride and offered a slight smile, "That is quite alright, da'len. Although, I offer no protests to any questions you may have regarding elven history. I would be glad to share what I know."

Lavellan scratched the back of her neck and offered a tentative smile; efforts to break the ice were proving more difficult than usual. She felt that familiar pull in her stomach when conversing with a new person, coupled with anxiety and unease. There were few moments where she was capable of meeting and talking to new people, considering how reclusive the Dalish were, and this entire fiasco with the Breach was daunting. There were so many people of different accents and origins in Haven, and Lavellan knew nothing of them. She felt drawn to Solas by default because he was the closest to familiar this strange place offered. With an awkward stride, she moved to lean against the nearby cabin, "You mentioned journeys in the Fade, and I realize that it's pretty uncommon to hear someone say that. Most stay put wherever they are, including me. I never… ventured far in the Fade."

Solas' lips quirked into a smile and he looked at her kindly, a welcome change from his earlier scrutiny, "And you are wise to do so. Adventures through the Fade can prove dangerous to those who do not exercise caution. Through practice and careful steps however, and you will be able to uncover memories long thought to be lost. Entire civilizations that have risen and fallen, echoes of words and actions from the past, and secrets that could never be found in our own world… there is always more to discover, you need only to look."

Lavellan nodded in contemplation, considering his words in depth. There was no doubt that the fade could reveal hidden truths, but more often than not, exploration drew unwanted attention, "And what about… demons? Don't you worry about them?"

"Demons are commonly misunderstood beings. The Circle and the Dalish label them to be simplistic, but that is not the case. It is upon the dreamer to decide whether or not they encounter demons. With an open mind and uncorrupted thoughts, a dreamer is less likely to be in danger."

"I've never heard that before. Usually I'm just told to hate anything that talks to me in the Fade, including spirits."

"The Chantry does not consider spirits to be people, or anything worthy of knowing." He said while nodding. Solas shifted himself more comfortably against the stone wall and locked his hands together, "As I have said, with an open mind, you become capable of meeting spirits of all kinds. Wisdom, purpose, justice. Your perception of them gives them their shape."

"So, what you're saying is…" Lavellan's eyebrows knitted together as she chose her words, "If someone's in the Fade, and they're afraid, they'll encounter fear demons, rather than spirits?"

"Presumably, yes."

"I see. I'll keep that in mind, ma serannas, hahren" She smiled up at Solas and felt her insides clench when he returned it honestly.

"You're welcome, da'len."


	2. Rainy Day Flirting

Chapter 2

Rainy Day Flirting

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><p>Cold wind howled through the many valleys in the Hinterlands. Lavellan's coat flapped wildly in the heavy gusts and her chestnut hair was threatening to fall from its ponytail. Gritting her teeth, she vigorously rubbed her arms and continued to lead her merry party of Varric, Cassandra, and Solas. Lavellan stepped up and around the uneven terrain as they began to walk up a small hill. Distantly, under the sound of the howling wind, Solas spoke up, "Perhaps we should set up a camp? I fear a storm may soon approach."<p>

She looked up at the sky and true to his words, dark and heavy clouds brewed in the sky, looking as if they were just about to break, "Alright, we will just up on this hill."

With the utmost terrible luck however, when they reached the top, a very large and a very angry bear was digging around in the dirt. Lavellan didn't hesitate to grab her staff, and the rest were quick to follow suit. Cassandra charged ahead in front to distract the bear while Solas had already conjured barriers for protection. The brown bear zeroed its gaze on Cassandra and reared up onto its back legs, bellowing a mighty roar. The seeker met with an equally frightening war cry and began to slash at its exposed belly.

Lavellan raised her hand and ignited the air surrounding the beast's face, causing a fiery explosion. It recoiled from the blast and began to shy away from Cassandra's relentless strikes, while Varric had already unleashed a flurry of bolts into its exposed areas. With aid of the increased moisture in the air from the coming storm, Solas casted a powerful ice spell that froze the animal solid. In a tactful combination of Varric's explosive shot and Cassandra's shield bash, the frozen creature shattered apart.

As the pieces fell, Lavellan sighed and Varric chuckled, "Oh yeah, Chuckles, what a great place to stop for camp."

Solas offered no reply, and silently began to unshoulder his gear. The group worked in unison to set up tents when the sky overhead began to rumble with thunder. Steadily, a single drop fell, then another, and more followed quickly afterwards. The thin drizzle escalated into a full wave of pouring rain in a matter of seconds and so far the group had only managed to set up three tents. Varric threw his hand up and yelled, "Well, I dunno 'bout you guys, but I'm heading into my tent."

Sure enough, he threw open his tent's flap and walked inside. Lavellan looked over to Cassandra and said, "Go ahead into yours; I'll finish setting up."

She hesitated for a moment before nodding and retiring into her tent. Behind Lavellan, Solas spoke up, "If you wish, da'len, you may share with me to avoid unnecessary sickness."

Lavellan looked between him and his tent for a brief moment, her refusal just on the tip of her tongue before relenting, "If… you're sure, okay."

She ducked into the small shelter after Solas and sat on the ground. Squeezing water from her hair, she looked over and muttered a small word of thanks.

He simply nodded and shrugged off his damp outer coat. Above them, the sound of rain pelleting the tent's roof was loud, but somehow calming. The pleasant smell of damp soil was already wafting in the air and there was a distant crash of a lightning strike outside. Lavellan looked up at Solas, "How long do you think the storm with last?"

He glanced up at her before returning his focus to folding his linen coat and setting it aside, "It is difficult to say. It could last a few hours, or only a few minutes. Time will tell."

She nodded and crossed her legs together in order to get more comfortable. It was difficult to say how she felt being cooped up in a small tent with Solas. Part of her felt her stomach feel fluttery, but nauseas as well. His presence was both intimidating and welcoming. Whenever he looked at her, it was like being in a spotlight. And she was little more than a deer staring in terror whenever it happened. Such scrutiny made her mouth feel dry and words would become stuck in her throat. As such, any responses she usually came up with involved mumbling or something completely unintelligible.

Somewhere in the back of Lavellan's mind, she wondered if Solas found her incompetent, or a walking disaster. In consideration to what happened to the conclave, it wouldn't be going too far to say she was a walking mistake either. With a sigh, she pulled her hair tie out and attempted to untangle the wet strands knotting together.

"Your magical abilities are rather impressive, da'len. I'm sure with some refinement; you would undoubtedly become a powerful mage." Solas' voice cut through the air like a knife through butter, smooth and sure.

Lavellan looked up and her throat clenched shut when she saw him looking at her with a kind gaze. Small droplets of water were still visible on his skin and trickling down his neck. The best she could manage was a dumb nod before tearing her eyes away. Without direct eye contact, Lavellan found the courage to respond, "Thank you, hahren."

"Despite your passive nature in conversation, you have expressed strong willpower and indomitable focus on the battlefield." Solas continued, somewhere in those words, a smile could nearly be heard.

Lavellan blinked a few times and her thoughts reeled, "Indomitable focus?" That was certainly a new compliment.

When she looked back up at Solas, his eyebrows rose up slightly and he responded with a calm voice, "From what I have seen so far. Although the idea of you being dominated is…" he tilted his head and a strange emotion glinted in those grey eyes, "Fascinating…"

The red that flushed Lavellan's face was unmistakable and she laughed nervously before coughing awkwardly. _'What did he just say?'_ she thought. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she tried to shift into a more comfortable sitting position. Solas had never truly flattered her before- not that it wasn't an unwelcome development. In fact, it was… Lavellan braved a glance up at Solas through her damp hair and held back a sigh of relief when she saw that his attention was drawn elsewhere. Listening to the rain perhaps? Or simply daydreaming?

'_Now what? Think of something interesting to say, stupid.' _She feigned interest in the folds of her robes before speaking quietly, "So… Solas, I just realized that I don't really know much about you. You've mentioned wandering a lot, but not much beyond that."

He looked over at Lavellan with an unreadable expression, "You're interested in my history. Why?"

'_Shit.' _The herald frowned and met his gaze, "Just curious. I mean, it usually helps to know who's got your back in a fight."

He must have found that to be sound reasoning because his posture relaxed, "I see. Ma serannas, da'len. Over the years I have learned to tread with caution."

"It's alright, I understand." She offered a smile, "So what did you do before you joined the Inquisition?"

"Travel, mostly. I spent most of my time alone, exploring places of old. Long lost to the rivers of time. There are countless old ruins throughout Thedas, and each holds their own unique story."

Lavellan leaned forward to balance her head on her hand, "So you're like a historian?"

"Of sorts." Solas smiled and somewhere in the back of his expression was mischief, "And what of yourself, Lavellan? You have not mentioned much concerning your life before the Breach."

Somehow, she felt as if he was purposefully twisting the conversation away from himself. But perhaps he simply disliked the topic, and Lavellan didn't want to pry, "There isn't much to say… I was the first to my clan. And we primarily wandered the Free Marches. Apparently the clan hadn't been to Ferelden since the recent Blight."

"You say that as if you were not with the clan during such a time. Were you not always part of Clan Lavellan?"

'_Another shit.' _She laughed nervously and scratched the back of head, "Suuure... Ah… It's not my favorite thing to talk about, sorry."

"Very well. You do not have to speak of it."

'_It seems that both of us would rather forget about the past.'_


	3. The Red

Chapter 3

The Red

Everything happened so quickly, Lavellan barely had time to react. One moment, Alexius was in front of her, and the next, she was fighting off guards in a strange waterlogged jail cell. Her reaction was instantaneous with the appearance of the hostile forces. She set one of fire and knocked him backwards while Dorian beside her attacked the other enemy. As the two guards fell into the ankle deep water, her new tevinter companion spoke up with his articulate speech, "Well, this is certainly a fascinating development."

Lavellan secured her staff onto her back and examined her surroundings. They were quite obviously in a basement, but it was in massive disrepair. Red lyrium of all things was growing from the walls. She eyed the glowing mineral with caution as she remembered Varric's warnings about the stuff. It apparently sung and twisted people's minds.

Dorian was taking in their surroundings with equal curiosity, "Now, I hope I'm not getting ahead of myself, but I belief that rift that Alexius summoned displaced us to another location."

"He brought up some sort of pendant, didn't he? What was it?" Lavellan's insides clenched and a small bout of panic gripped her.

"Ah! Of course! That was the very object Alexius was using to create his time rifts! I suspect we have been moved to another time!"

The tevinter mage- not a magister he claimed- appeared to be amused by the situation. With delicate eyebrows raised and eyes alight with curiosity. Lavellan's heart began to race and her eyes widened, "Another time? Forward or backward?"

"That, my dear companion, is something worth investigating." Dorian's words flowed charismatically and nowhere near as panicked as Lavellan's.

"W-what about the others? What do you think happened to them?"

"More than likely, they weren't caught in the blast as we were. Alexius wouldn't have wanted to make the rift too large, or else he would've risked himself or Felix getting caught within it as well."

Lavellan looked down at the murky water. The red glow from the lyrium was reflecting from its surface, and she couldn't even see herself in it. The uncomfortable feeling of water soaking her feet in her boots soured her mood, "Alright, let's get moving fast then. I'm… worried about Cassandra and Solas."

'Worried' was putting it mildly. What happened to them in a world where she disappeared? Were they fine? Did they survive? _'Of course they did, they don't need me that badly.'_ But then again… she was the only one who could seal rifts… _'What happened in a world where the rifts tore free without restraint?'_

She didn't want to dwell on it for too long, as for such thoughts could warrant a panic attack. The two of them began to wander the basement of Redcliffe's castle. _'Ugh, basements.'_ Lavellan thought with disgust. Dirty, disgusting, dark, and dank. This one in particular was horrible. Throughout its depths were endless corpses that have been decaying for weeks- perhaps even months. Most of the areas were lit by faint candles and that despicable lyrium. There was just so much _red._ Dorian seemed to be taking the situation well, at least. Lavellan tried to take his nonchalant behavior as a source of confidence to quell her rampant heartbeat. "Dorian… Alexius mentioned something about an Elder One. Do you know who he was talking about?"

"Unfortunately, I don't. All I can tell from this situation is that some people need to be more careful about what kinds of magic they're using. After all, what could _possibly_ go wrong when poking at the fabrics of time?" He replied full of mirth and sarcasm. Yes, his personality was certainly giving Lavellan some reason to keep calm. If he could handle this well, so could she.

Lavellan swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. The sounds of their feet wading through the water echoed through the basement's empty walls. Distantly, she could hear voices, but it was difficult to say if that was the lyrium, or actual people. Scary thought, that- Lyrium _talking. _An involuntary shudder crawled up her back and she focused on keeping her stride steady. _'Just don't panic. Don't panic.'_

Stone walls and more walls. Sounds echoing forever though empty rooms and _by Mythal, all of that blood. _As the pair made progress through the dungeons, they found Grand Enchanter Fiona. Or- at least they think so. She was leaning against the cell wall, and a great deposit of lyrium was growing from everywhere. From the floor, from the walls, _from her._ Nearly her entire lower body was consumed by the foul stuff. Her very being was radiating it's aura as if it were infecting her. As she turned to look at them, Lavellan flinched back. Fiona's eyes were nearly glowing, with red at their center. The red lyrium was part of her now. Her lips parted and a voice that didn't seem quite hers came out, "Herald! I thought… I thought you were dead!" It was forced, as if it hurt to speak, and it was twisted with vibrations shaking her entire body.

Lavellan reached out a shaking hand, grasping the bars of the jail cell, "Is- is that lyrium… growing from you?!"

Behind her, Dorian's face twisted into a mixture of disgust and concern. Fiona's body twitched and she rested her forehead against the stone wall, "Stay near it long enough… and you become this. It takes you over, and then they take you."

Dorian stepped up to the cell bars, his shoulder brushing against Lavellan's, "What is the date? It's very important that we know." Somewhere, the horror in his voice was heard, but he buried it well.

"Havestmere, 9:42 Dragon." She forced the words out as her face cringed.

"9:42? Then we've missed an entire year!"

Only a year and such devastation already occurred? If Fiona was here then where was… Lavellan spoke up, "We need to find a way to go back!"

Dorian replied, "I believe that if we find the amulet that Alexius used to move us through time, we could reverse engineer it to send us backwards to our original time."

"Please… prevent this from happening," Fiona panted and clenched her hand into a fist, "Stop the Elder One before it's too late… He's powerful, more powerful than the Maker. Find Leliana, she is here. "

That didn't sound good. Power compared to a god? Lavellan backed away from the cell. She couldn't bear to look at the poor elf any longer. They had to keep moving. Dorian and Lavellan ventured further into the dungeons and so far could find nothing other than more lyrium and a bunch of trash. If the underbelly of the castle was this bad, it was difficult to imagine what became of the rest. Her stride was quick and rushed, eager to get out of the blighted place- out of these _damn jail cells._

A new voice echoed throughout the halls, familiar and womanly. Strong like- "Cassandra?"

Sure enough, as Lavellan entered a new room, she found the seeker sitting on the floor of a jail cell. There was no lyrium around her, but she glowed like Fiona had. She was sick with its poison. Lavellan rushed to the door and Cassandra looked up at her in awe, "You… you've returned?"

Lavellan focused and tried to remember an ice spell she hadn't used in a long time. She froze the lock and then kicked at it a few times. After enough hits, the lock broke off and she threw open the door. Cassandra stared as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing, "Maker forgive me, but I feel that the world is truly over if the dead now walk."

The elf nearly hugged the seeker, but restrained herself. It was difficult to say if the sickness was contagious or not. Instead, she stood at a distance she felt was safe, "I'm not dead, but it's… a little strange. Time travel would be the best way to explain this. Dorian and I were sent to the future."

"So then… you could prevent this? Go back in time before this all happened? You could stop the Elder One's plans! After you disappeared, Empress Celene was assassinated, and a demon army marched across Thedas. The Inquisition fell." Cassandra's voice was as warped as Fiona's, but she at least had the strength to move. And _thank Mythal_ that she didn't have any crystals growing out of her body.

"Let's get moving, quickly please." Lavellan urged them both to follow. This terrible place was grating on her nerves the longer it went on. And there was one last thought nagging at her mind. _'Where is Solas?'_ Part of her was afraid he was dead, and she couldn't bring herself to ask Cassandra either. He was as much as her friend as the seeker was. He was someone to look up to; someone who offered guidance when she doubted herself.

Soon afterwards, they wandered into another room through the twisted and broken maze that were the dungeons, and Lavellan had found what she sought. The moment she found his cell, she felt her blood run ice cold. It felt as though someone had dumped a bucket of water on her head and she could do little more than stare in horror. Solas stood in a cell, back to the bars and was surrounded by red lyrium. Its aura wafted from him and he nearly glowed. She wanted to break the lock, but couldn't find the strength to move her legs. Dorian cleared his throat awkwardly and moved forward, "Allow me."

He used the same method as Lavellan did before, and the commotion drew Solas' attention. The elf turned and his eyebrows lifted with surprise, "You're alive!"

And _oh gods_ his voice was twisted too, tainted by that filthy, disgusting, evil- "Solas." Lavellan managed to say with forced effort.

As Dorian broke the lock and opened the door, Solas' attention remained on Lavellan, "We saw you die!" his voice was like a hushed whisper.

"Alexius' spell with the amulet displaced us in time. We just go here, so to speak." Dorian offered the explanation.

Solas turned his mutated red eyes to Dorian, "Is it possible to reverse the spell? Perhaps if you returned to the location of the displacement with the same amulet, you could prevent all of this from happening!" He spoke with elation, as if it were the first time hope had entered his thoughts in a long time.

Lavellan still could not bring herself to stop staring. It was beyond disturbing to see Solas in such as state. She felt her heart pounding relentlessly inside her chest and she let out a shuddering breath. When he turned to look at her once again with those _eyes _she felt her breathing cease. He spoke quietly, "I'm glad to see that you are safe, Lethallin."

His words somehow felt as though they carried something deeper. Stiffly, Lavellan nodded and Dorian beside her patted her on the back, "Alright, reunions over! We've got a past to return to!"

It took nearly all of Lavellan's willpower to tear her gaze away from Solas' sickly appearance and she exhaled with a shudder. As her reunited party began to make progress through the endless halls, Solas spoke, "I overheard the guards mentioning that Alexius has locked himself within the throne room."

Every word that came from his mouth echoed with the red taint, it barely sounded like the Solas she remembered. A gripping terror began to weave its way through the back of her mind as she realized a thought, _'Even Solas was subjugated to this Elder One's power. He's so much more powerful than I. If he didn't stand a chance… how could I?'_ A shiver crawled up Lavellan's spine and she felt her respirations increase. This world reflected everything that would happen is she failed. So much depended on her rate of success- the fate of the entire world. She had once denied the ability to be her clan's keeper, how could she possibly defend all of Thedas?

As the group fought their way through the castle, cutting down any tevinter who stood in their way, Lavellan began to feel her control fading. Her fire spells didn't burn nearly as hot, and any magic she weaved was sloppy and unrefined. If the others noticed, they said nothing. She could only imagine what thoughts Solas would have about such a behavior. But she refused to even glance his way. Seeing him in that form tore at her insides. _'If he wasn't strong enough, then what chance do I have?'_

Stronger than the Maker- Fiona had said. Lavellan was little more than a simple elf who apparently represented a prophet she didn't care about. She was nothing compared to a god. What could she possibly do? If her nerves concerning this internal debate weren't enough, the stone walls around her certainly did nothing to help. Their confining dreariness was wearing down on her mind and she felt like they were about to close in on her. _'No escape.'_

Along the way, they had found Leliana, who was in a dreadful state. Her skin sickly pale and marred nearly beyond recognition. Her eyes were colder than before. She held only a stern glare at everything around herself and refused to speak of what happened. Despair and hopelessness made her its victim. In the back of Lavellan's mind, she wondered if she would someday become like Leliana- without any light in her eyes.

As they reached the higher parts of the castle, the smell of death permeated the air in heavy waves, as if it were a thick cloud choking the life out of any who remained. So much blood, so many bodies, and so much corruption, all of it piling on top of one another into the abomination that was this world. With every corpse they passed, or every tevinter they slayed, Lavellan began to feel the true weight of the world upon her shoulders. All it would take is one slip. One misstep and the entire world would burn. It was beyond jarring, it was nearly debilitating, and it was pure madness.

It felt like ages before they had finally made it to Alexius' throne room. Lavellan's hands were trembling as she stared at the magister's back. She was unsure if she should be angry or not. But somewhere in her thoughts, she felt as if this world was her doing, not Alexius'. The throne room hardly contained the same luster it once held a year ago. Walls crumbling, dust accumulating on every surface. Even blood stained sections of the floor. What else had been her fault? Blood sacrifices, torture, kidnappings, perhaps even rape? It was almost too much.

"Why?" In that single word, Lavellan was unsure if she was questioning him, or herself.

Alexius didn't turn to face her at first, his replied with a broken voice, "For my son, for Tevinter… but now…" he sighed and turned around, "I knew you would come back, not when, but that you would. I knew you weren't dead."

Dorian beside her stepped forward, his voice uncharacteristically quiet, "Was it worth it Alexius? All of this destruction?"

The magister's face was void of any signs of triumph; he looked as though this world was not the one he wanted, "Nothing matters now. The end will come soon. Despite all I've done to pursue a better world has only wrought pain and strife. The Elder One comes, and we will all perish under his wrath."

Somewhere during the conversation, Leliana had managed to sneak behind the man beside Alexius. Lavellan hadn't seen him at first, for he looked no different than any other corpse. He was alive, however, and Leliana now held a blade to his throat. Such actions warranted at panicked reaction from Alexius, he reached out in vain and spoke with a hushed breath, "Felix!"

Lavellan vaguely remembered the young man; he was Alexius' son and offered to help her stop the time anomalies spreading in Redcliffe. Dorian stepped forward and shook his head as he spoke in rage, "_That's_ Felix? What have you done, Alexius?!"

Whatever Felix was now, he seemed to react minimally to Leliana's threatening hold. Was he now a body without a soul? Alexius pleaded with the bard, "Please, let him go… I've done everything I could to save him…"

The opportunity for a bargain rose up in Lavellan's thoughts and she offered, "Give us the amulet you used, and we'll let him go."

Alexius nodded in response as he was desperate to save whatever remained of his son, "Yes! I'll give you what you want! Just let him go!"

Leliana however, only glared with undiluted hatred, "I want the world back." She said just before cutting Felix's throat.

As the body fell to the ground, the anguish in Alexius' voice was unmistakable, "_No!_"

He pushed the spymaster back with a wave of magic and clenched onto his staff. Negotiating no longer seemed possible as everyone else drew their weapons. Alexius fought with might fueled by his anger and loss. With combined efforts of Cassandra's strength, Solas' calculated ice spells, Dorian's tactful maneuvering, and Lavellan's desperate fire blasts, Alexius was overwhelmed. No matter how many fade rifts he conjured, Lavellan would simply close them, and the other two mages would dispel any summoning attempted. Cassandra did well to distract Alexius from the mage's combined power and easily brought down any barriers he casted. Despite the magister's outward rage, somewhere deep in his heart, he had already given up.

When Alexius fell from Cassandra's finishing blow, Dorian looked down upon the body with mourning eyes, "He didn't hope to live, did he? He tried to justify his actions, but he knew all along Felix was already gone." He sighed and shook his head.

Lavellan looked at the mage with an equal gaze, "I'm sorry… I know he was important to you. Whoever he was before all of this…" She tried to understand Dorian's feelings, but it was too hard. When faced with everything that happened, it was difficult to think that Alexius was anything more than a madman.

Dorian checked Alexius' body and pulled the time amulet from his neck. He examined it shortly before saying, "It will take some time for me to cast the counter spell that brought us here."

Directly after he spoke though, the castle shook and a terrifying roar was heard. Leliana spoke with urgency, "You must hurry! We don't have any time; the Elder One will be upon us at any moment!"

"We cannot stay here." Solas' voice made Lavellan flinch. Just when she had begun to forget how his twisted voice sounded was, he had reminded her. Solas and Cassandra met in an understanding look, and then turned back to Lavellan, "We'll hold them as long as we can."

Her stomach dropped and her throat clenched, "W-What? No! I won't let you die!" she spoke with trembling words.

Leliana retorted harshly, "Look at us. We're already dead. Finish your spell, and prevent this day."

Lavellan stared at Solas with tears threatening her eyes; she had never thought to see a day where someone as capable as him would die, "…. Ir abelas, Lethallan."

"Dareth shiral."

With that, the seeker and the elf closed themselves outside of the throne room to prevent any invaders from intruding on Dorian's spell. The tevinter had already begun to cast the reverse spell, focusing a green field of energy around the amulet, his forehead wrinkled with concentration. Lavellan nervously stared at the doors of the throne room. Leliana readied her bow and aimed it at the closed entrance, muttering a prayer for reassurance, "Though darkness closes, I am shielded by flame."

Without warning, the doors smashed open and a horde of demons began to pour in. Lavellan could not contain her cry of horror as one of the demons threw Solas' dead and mangled body onto the ground. Blood ran from everywhere and she could only stare with eyes wide and mouth open. Almost every nerve in her body became numb and she could taste bile, "_Ar tu na'din_!" she nearly screamed.

Dorian grabbed her with his free hand, "No! If you move from this spot, we'll all die!"

Hot tears poured from Lavellan's face and she gritted her teeth, fire burning in her palms. She watched as Leliana continued to shoot arrows at every adversary who approached. Yet, it wasn't long before she too became overwhelmed by the endless crowd of enemies. Dorian began to pull Lavellan back towards the opening portal as the spell was finishing. The last thing she saw was Leliana's blood splattering across the floor.

* * *

><p>It was difficult for Lavellan to remember what happened after she and Dorian returned to their original time. Alexius surrendered, King Alistair of Ferelden showed up, and the mages were accepted as allies to the Inquisition. Much of it now was all a blur and the entire way back to Haven, she couldn't bring herself to speak. Dorian was more than happy to fill Cassandra in with all of the details, he seemed to enjoy talking. Solas was just as quiet, and Lavellan didn't have to courage to look at him yet.<p>

Currently, she sat in her cabin in Haven, staring at the floor. It was late at night and very quiet. There was no snow falling and for once not even wind was blowing. She stared in almost a dead trance as she mindlessly watched the light from the fireplace dance. The events from the future were weighing down heavily and she almost wondered if her mind was trying to prevent itself from caving in. _'So much death, so much destruction had been wrought… and all because I disappeared.'_ It was terrifying, the idea that she alone held that much influence. No one should ever have that much power. Regardless of whose hands it was in, it was dangerous and volatile.

Lavellan tried blocking out the reoccurring image of Solas' corpse being tossed aside like a damned ragdoll. But no matter how hard she tried to distract herself, it would return. She remembered the shine of the blood pouring from his wounds, and the demon's who's hands where covered with red. _'Red everywhere. Red blood, red lyrium, red floor and walls_.' Lavellan shut her eyes tightly and rubbed her temple, she desperately needed a distraction, or else these thoughts would consume her.

She abruptly stood up and marched out the door and into the cold, pure air of the outdoors. The smell of the ice and snow were a welcome feeling compared to the fireplace. Fire now just reminded her of fighting. The sky was clear and the stars shone brightly beside the half moon. By this time of night, few people in Haven were awake, and if they were, they populated the tavern with song and drink to accompany them. Drinking didn't sound like a terrible idea, but Lavellan didn't necessarily want the company that came with it now. Instead, she walked along the shoveled pathways. The exposed dirt was crisp and frozen with laces of frost coating it. She stared at the ground as she walked, listening to it crack and crunch beneath her footfalls. Any sounds unfamiliar to being in a basement were a symphony right now. No more echoing passages or dim fire illuminating stone walls, or even the persistent dripping of liquid.

"Herald?" a smooth voice stopped Lavellan in her tracks and she looked up.

Somehow, she had walked past Solas' cabin, and he was standing outside, casually leaned against the stone wall besides the building. His arms were crossed and he wore only his usual tunic despite the temperature. He was staring at her expectantly and she remembered to respond, "Oh, hello Solas."

"I assumed you wished to rest after the eventful day we've had. Is something troubling you?"

Lavellan nearly forgot what his normal voice had sounded like. It was nice to hear it this way again, steady and melodic without distortion, "I'm fine. Just… needed some fresh air." She walked to a closer distance and leaned against his cabin, "So what were you doing outside?"

The question came out more direct than she intended, but Solas' lips quirked up and he replied with ease, "The sky was clear, and it has been a long time since I have observed the stars."

Lavellan looked up at the sky and made a small noise of acknowledgement. The stars were always brighter in the mountains, and it was rare for Haven to be without cloud cover. They stood in silence for a time as they stared at the sky. It gave her a much needed sense of peace after all of the chaos from earlier. There was a profound beauty in the quiet stillness of Haven's mountainside. As she sighed and felt her body relax, Solas spoke again with a serene voice, "Do you know any of the constellations?"

She glanced over at the other elf for a moment before looking back up at the sky, "Some, but not many." She pointed towards the north at a cluster of stars, "Tenebrium was always easiest for me to find. 'The Shadow' or owl constellation."

Solas nodded but said nothing as they continued to stargaze. She wondered briefly if that was an attempt at conversation, but felt unsure. _'Way to be a blunt stick, Ellana.'_ She cleared her throat and looked down at the ground and considered telling Solas about what she saw in the future personally. _'Perhaps talking about it would help?'_ But then again, blabbing on about her own problems didn't seem appropriate. Would he listen? Would he care? She _did_ witness his… death after all.

It almost felt surreal, the fact that he was alive and well and not glowing with red lyrium poison. It was comforting to see his eyes the way they should be- gray and calm. She never wanted to see those mutated and lifeless eyes from the future again. Lavellan wet her lips and looked up to speak, but saw that he was already watching and waiting for her words. He was already offering attention before she called for it. She felt her face grow hot and decided to just roll with it, "I watched you die in the future."

_ 'Fenhedis! That's not what I wanted to say!'_ She mentally kicked herself and a wave of embarrassment hit home. It was more direct than intended and perhaps even mean. Solas didn't show any signs of being disturbed at least, "This future you went to, are you certain it was not an illusion? Or a trick of the Fade?"

Lavellan shook her head, "No, believe me, I've been to the Fade enough times to know when I'm there."

"I see. Then what you saw must be evidence that the Inquisition must succeed, or else the world will suffer."

With a heavy sigh, she rubbed her forehead and replied; "I know, I know it's just…" she trailed off and stared blankly for a moment while she organized her thoughts. Solas waited patiently until she continued, "I have so much riding on me and my choices. So many people depending on me saving them and… I never truly understood how important my role to the Inquisition was until I saw that future. The future of what happens if I fall. It's… terrifying."

Solas nodded in consideration, "I understand how you feel. The knowledge of how your actions impact the world. The feeling of multiple lives all within your hands alone. You need only to have confidence in your abilities in order to succeed. If you continue to doubt yourself as you do now, you will fail."

"But how am I supposed to do that? I don't know how to- to just _stop_ having doubt."

"Focus on your goal. Think of nothing else but the end result and move forward using whatever means possible to achieve it. Whatever emotions you may feel, you must refine them into your weapon and carve a path forward." He spoke with an assurance that comforted Lavellan.

Would that work? Narrowing down her thoughts to a single point? It sounded a bit reckless, and as if it would endanger other mediums involved with whatever 'goal' she would have but… "If it would work, I can try. Twisting my negative emotions into willpower, rather than letting them weight me down."

Solas offered a smile, "It will take time, but with discipline and practice, I believe you will be able to prepare yourself to fight this Elder One. Time and patience, Lethallin."

Lavellan smiled back and a feeling of relief crept into her mind; she promised herself that the future she saw will never come to exist- not without a fight.


End file.
